you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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