The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
