I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
