I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was like eating out sand paper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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