im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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