these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
