I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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