i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
