with your own penis?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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