Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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