Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
