omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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