Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
