Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
