using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
