worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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