I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
