hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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