pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize