16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
