I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
