i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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