We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
