I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just tell him i said nine months
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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