Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
