I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
