Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
