i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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