you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
