You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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