my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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