Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
