got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
