wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
