she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
