haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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