I'm going to jail i love you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
