I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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