I'm going to jail i love you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
