i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
