the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
