he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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