Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
