He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
