My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
