Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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