I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
