So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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