Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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