Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
