We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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