i love accidental penises.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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