I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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