when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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