absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
