Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
