It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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