Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
