There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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