Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
