when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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