He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
