Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i now understand why vodka
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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