just tell him i said nine months
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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