I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
