I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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