one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
