Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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