Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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