he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
