i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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