the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
