I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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