Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
