well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
