talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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