we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
