i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
