drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize