we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
