Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
