Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
