Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
