what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
