She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize